so yeah

jaclcfrost:

"i’m not bitter" i say, bitterly, with a bitter expression

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

korrakun:

my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing

underthe-corktree:

the calendar says september but my soul says Halloween

all american family dinner
mom: hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
son: of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
mom: of course son. be careful it is very spicy
son: *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
dad: ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
son: thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
dad: we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
mom: i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
son: we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
dad: great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
son: golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition

buckbarrow:

other fandoms may come and go but Harry Potter will always be there in the shadows. watching. lurking. never letting you forget its perpetual hold on your existence.

vandigo:

orgasham:

methlemore:

orgasham:

masturbating-to-your-selfies:

102 chicken nuggets

why would you order 17 of 6 instead of 5 of 20… that shit’s expensive as hell

Getting 2 four pieces is cheaper then 1 6 piece know your nuggets

but getting 1 20 piece is cheaper than 3 6 pieces KNOW YOUR NUGGETS

this is how word problems for math books are started, isn’t it.

lolitsgabe:

Shut. The fuck. Up.